• N'Digo Yaayaa Kali

In My Journey I've Learned...The Colors Don't Lie (Aura Photography as a Coaching Tool)

"Look around you. Everything changes. Everything on this Earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing, and changing. You were not put on this Earth to remain stagnant." - Dr. Steve Mataboli

aura photography
Aura photography before and after; October 2012 on the left and September 2019 on the right.

Aura photography is a modality that I've used twice and have not regretted. As a person who is consistently evolving and changing, there are benefits from seeing how the internal and external shifts have an affect on the ethereal levels (because we are more than our physical bodies). Without getting into the nitty gritty of how it works or the deeper meaning of the colors, I encourage you to check out The Goop's article cool article on Aura Photography - How To Read Aura Photos.

There's a story hidden in the colors I see between the two photos. In 2012 I was surrounded by blue, purple, and white energy - all signifying my depth of emotions, unconventional contemplation, and intense presence of the Divine as I was in the midst of a very vulnerable and difficult time in my life. In 2019, I'm living my best life and surrounded by a lot of yellow, green, and red which is all about freedom, growth, and action-oriented.

There's no way I can talk about my "lighthearted and free" current self without acknowledging the darkness I had to go through to get here. Experiencing divorce and becoming a single mother of 2 on a $24K income (with a college degree I must add; why I didn't get paid more is another story) was a crippling experience. Sad cannot even begin to describe how I felt. Defeated. Angry. Humiliated. Disrespected. A failure. Broken. Defective. I stopped eating for months. I stopped sleeping. I stopped going to family functions. I cried a lot in my apartment alone. My entire life was disrupted in a matter of months when our marriage ended. The depression that occurred during our separation and then divorce had little to do with my being sad that he and I were no longer going to be together. I was more disappointed that my life had to be disrupted in this manner because I chose to remain in a relationship that stifled my growth, sense of purpose, creativity and joy. When citing all of the reasons why he no longer wanted to be married to me, I was taken a back because in my heart and soul, I knew the person he was describing wasn't me. Who he was describing was the person I had become after getting lost and drowning in her roles as a mother and wife. Now that the relationship ended, I had to deal with the remains of a person I didn't even recognize, like, or had anything in common with; myself. Who is this person that stopped creating art for 7 years? Who is this person that did not dance or have professional goals? Who is this woman that did not travel? Who did I want to be or become? I had NO CLUE. And now I was left alone to deal with that while feeling used up and discarded.

So how did the change happen? What motivated me to start to do the internal work was my kids. That's it. I didn't have some profound "ah-ha" moment. No visions. No near death experience. No conversations with Saints in my cereal. As their mother, I didn't trust that anyone would help raise them to be confident, self-sufficient people, living life on their own terms, nor did I think anyone would find that that as a priority in raising them. The only problem was that I didn't feel like I embodied any of those things during my marriage nor post divorce. I remember praying incoherently, sobbing on my bed, begging God to help me to release my anger and insecurities, help me to make ends meet, and help me to find my purpose so I could be a great mom. I knew that if I were to do that, I had to face the truth of who I am, and how I found myself in a stifling relationship. And the answer became clear and was painful to acknowledge: I believed that who I was "bad and broken" and thought that if I hid under a relationship and religion (more on that for another day) God would love and accept me more. The truth was I was imbalance and imperfect, but never far from the Love and Embrace of the Divine. And that's where the aura photography comes in. I was able to see the presence of The Most High engulfing me at that time, so much so that I can't even see my face in the photo.

Months of therapy, group therapy, support groups, yoga sessions, fasting, meditation, praying, journaling, and self-study were all part of the healing and self-discovery process - and were motivated by my love I have for my daughter and son. It was my love for them that I was able to understand in part the extent of love Source had for me, a fact I would have never accepted and became aware of if it were not for the divorce. My kids have no idea that their very existence is the reason why I became a better version of myself, and have advocated for others to do the same. Little did I know that within 7 years, my life would become so fulfilling and my connection to Spirit and Self would expand and find me feeling so humbled and grateful for the process. Much like the Phoenix, I feel like I was reborn, better than ever, and my kids have got to see what joy really looks like.

So as I look at my most recent aura photo, I can't help but to smile. I see a person who is in an exciting time in her life, who is using her experience and wisdom to support people in their healing (note the right side of the photo, which is my left side is bursting in healing green energy). I see where I am in this moment in different facets, where that is leading me, and how I can support myself in getting there. I can also see how all the introspection I've taken over the last 7 years are a vehicle to support other people to become more purposeful, productive, and balanced as well. And the proof is in the colors.

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